Today is my birthday. I could be all coy and not tell you my age. I could lie and pretend I’m younger than I am. But do you know, I’m proud of my age. I’m a grandmother to two adorable little grandkids (aged 5 and 2) and I have lived through a wealth of life experiences, good, bad and indifferent, and they’ve made me the person I am today. So short of shouting it from the rooftops:
Unfortunately we live in an aged obsessed society. Women often feel pressured to make it look as if time has stood still for them, whereas men are seen as growing more distinguished as they age. It’s a known fact that television presenters have an expiry date when they magically disappear from our screens as if they’ve been beamed up - and they are usually succeeded by a younger, firmer more nubile replacements. This kind of behaviour contributes to women feeling too embarrassed to admit their real age. It’s also a fact that most heterosexual men would prefer a partner younger than themselves. And that many employers do discriminate against older people in general, and truth is, would generally rather have a young and glamorous secretary to boost their image, rather than an older mature women (even if she had more skills for the job). And one only has to look through a contemporary magazine to see that many adverts attempt to sell their products by emphasizing society’s desire for women to look younger, firmer and wrinkle free - oh, and pencil thin!
I’m a fan of Marie Claire - it’s a super magazine and I buy it regularly, but I’m now going to quote some words from cosmetic adverts in the February 2009 edition I purchased today. I flicked through it at random and these were just some of the adverts I spotted:
“Better than ever. see up to 61% reduction in the look of serious wrinkles” (Estee Lauder)
“Each day, smooth skin for refined pores. Younger looking skin even close up” (L’oreal)
“Perfect for the twentysomething, who thinks she”l always look twentysomething” (No 7)
“… defends against the physical ageing effects of free radicals …” (Prescriptives)
And it troubles me that almost every women’s magazine I picked up to read in the waiting room on a recent trip to the dentist (and this includes Marie Claire) have pages and pages at the back promoting surgery or treatments to improve the looks of women (breast enlargement, breast reductions, top to toe surgery, skin peels, botox, gastricbands, fat removal etc.) - these magazines are aimed at women, are meant to be for women - yet are inadvertently undermining women with their adverts. They use words like: put your mind at ease, just the reassurance you’re looking for, look years younger. One advert for cosmetic dentistry in Marie Claire actually said: Show off your beautiful teeth and start living life to the full. The implication being that changing your teeth can make your life fuller. What?!? There is no doubt that constantly being drip fed adverts that suggest we all want to look younger than we actually are is making women feel that growing older or looking older is undesirable.
Television programmes in the UK are no better. They also promote youthful looks as the ultimate dream desire. You can watch Ten Years Younger, Extreme Makeovers, or even Trinny and Suzanne - to name a few. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with making the most of your looks or wearing what suits you - but can’t we all just be proud to be what we are ? (warts and all!) The problem is where do we draw the line? Many women dye their hair as they get older, they have their teeth crowned or veneers, but should they be even considering top to toe surgery? Or Botox? Or gastric bands? And why do they feel driven to these extremes to disguise their age? There was a time when the advice of ”the elders” was sought in society because their wealth of life experiences had taught them so much and they could share that wisdom - and the fact that they were wrinkled and baggy and saggy was revered as it was evidence of their having lived a long life.
I did find one company who are leading the way forward: Dove. DOVE’S campaign says: “Dove believes in pro-age not anti-age” - this company is trying to “instill a new attitude in the anti-aging category, from negative and fear driven to affirmitive and hope-driven”. This for me is the way forward - and the sooner more companies stop attempting to make women think they must disguise their age, the easier it will be for women to admit their age. “It’s about looking good at whatever age you are”. I’m hoping that many other cosmetic companies will follow in their steps. The cynical part of me suspects that once women collectively sigh with relief at no longer having to endure the impossible struggle of looking ten years younger than they actually are, and the companies realise there’s money in encouraging women to be proud of what they are, they’ll all jump on the pro-age bandwagon. Well, I’m already there! I’m pro-age through and through - which is why I’m telling you how old I am.
We’re all to blame to a certain extent. It’s time we all stopped being our own worst enemy and scrutinising each others’ weight and wrinkles - because beauty is more than skin deep. Be proud to be your age!
So how do I feel today? Probably the main word I’d use about myself is content. I have a loving and caring husband, two adorable cats, two wonderful adult sons and two beautiful much loved grandkids. I have a small extended family that I’m close to (there are many relatives I haven’t seen for years because that’s my prerogative) and a handful of really close girl friends (they are the backbone of my life. They laugh out loud with me, pass me the tissues and hug me when I weep, tell me I’m a plonka when I am one, and they praise me loudly when they know I deserve it. I love them all to bits). I have very good health (having survived cancer) and enough income to keep the wolf from the door. What more could a girl woman want? What am I looking forward to? Retirement and the time to myself that will bring to enjoy the things I like to do: Seeing friends and family, photography, walking, reading, writing, blogging, theatre, music, and of course travel.
And finally below: here I am at age 56! Gorjuss huh? LOL!
I bet you’re all too nervous to say I look young for my age now, aren’t you? LOL! Drat!
Oh … and since it’s my birthday - Alfie checking out my birthday roses:
And Milo doing the same! (it’s interesting that they both sniffed exactly the same leaf! Gotta love ‘em!)
I just had to post this video. My wonderful friend Mel recorded her gorgeous kids and adorable cats, singing me a very special birthday message. It is the BEST birthday card I’ve EVER received. Thank you Mel - you’re one in a million. I love it. Kiss the kids and cats for me!
Posted in Astonishing, Confessions, Life, attitude, being authentic, growing old, human issues, inspirational, life celebration, psychology, realism, waiting for God, women | Tags: Age
Jill Haldane of The Harley Street Smile Clinic says "I believesthat yes cosmetic dentistry to enhance your smile can make your life fuller, and it's not such a ridiculous comment to make. If you have suffered years of embarassment due to the state of your teeth/smile, it is highly likely you haven't smiled as much as someone who is unconcerned with their teeth. Embarrassment can have a knock on effect in many areas of your life. You can lack confidence as a result of not wanting anyone to see your teeth. You don't smile as much, laugh as much, or necessarily feel as good about yourself as you could. I suffered years of embrrassment about my teeth when I was younger right up until my mid twenties. My teeth were very crooked, and I didn't wear a brace when i was younger. I went to America when i was 21 and willnever forget some American guy saying to me 'What is it with you British people and your crooked teeth?' I was mortified. I had always disliked my teeth before, but to hear this, I just wanted to hide away. It made me more embarrassed about them, and more self conscious. I had my teeth veneered in my mid twenties and it was the best thing I could ever have done. As soon as I was happy with my smile so many people noticed a big difference in my personality. I had so much more confidence - especially knowing I had a better smile than anyone else I knew! For me not to have to cover my mouth when I smiled, or shy away from photos, was such an ego boost. Without a doubt it enhanced my life, and how I felt about myself. In those days there weren't any programmes on TV about making yourself look younger etc, so they weren't to blame for my quest for a better smile. I didn't need to watch those programmes to know I had awful teeth. Now I can testify to feeling as though I live a fuller life as a result of having my teeth done. I am happier and more carefree because I don't have the issues with my teeth any more, which in turn affects how I live my life. In the past I would never have drawn attention to myself, in fact I would have done everything to avoid the focus being on me. But not anymore...
So can changing your smile make your life fuller? I say Yes, it can.
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